her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
