we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
