As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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