just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
