Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
