just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
