just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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