just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
