the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
