I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
