K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
