writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
