Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
