How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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