I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
