the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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