just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
