I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
