Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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