My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
