He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
