i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
