but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
