i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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