I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
