i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Randomize
