He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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