awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it because I queefed?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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