We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
