i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
