just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
