ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
