i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
