The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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