Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
