omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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