I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
