party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
