I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
