finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
