but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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