why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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