Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
