I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
