A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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