All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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