who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
