my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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