I think I died a long time ago.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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