Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
