Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
