You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
